how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
