He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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