I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
