A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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