Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
