he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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