I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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