for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Found your dick twin last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
