so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
