Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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