Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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