Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
