I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
