office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
