Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
tell me about the fingering
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