Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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