I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
