im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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