I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
