Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
