If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
