need another drink. this is the easiest way
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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