Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
this just has baby written all over it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It's blow job season.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
