You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
