Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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