i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
