I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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