No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
