i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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