What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
