I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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