last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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