Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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