So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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