my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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