Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
