I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
