i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize