he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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