I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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