She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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