this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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