I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
