So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Did I show you my penis last night?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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