i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
