i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
