Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
