The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
