I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize