If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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