do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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