she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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