Yo dont text me then not text me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
