Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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