Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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