And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
