plz talk dirty to me
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize