with your own penis?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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