You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
