If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
