I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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