There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
