My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Someone signed my nipple.
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