I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
