Already got asked if we're dating
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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