but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
