ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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