Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
