Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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