Tell her she can't have a vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
