I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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