someone threw a dead crab at me
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
