i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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