I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
