I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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